Working the Steps: Step Nine, Part 1

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others

For some of us, the mere idea of making direct amends to people we have harmed is so terrifying that we can’t even get past the first three words of this Step.

However, this Step is crucial. It is the Step that completes the process begun in Step 4. It is the way of placing ourselves in the position where we can receive the forgiveness of God and others for what we have done and what we have left undone. This process is a way of “working out our own salvation”, as the Apostle Paul counseled; it is also the way to begin living in a state of grace

Since this Step is so important, let’s take a look at what “making amends” doesn’t mean before we panic and hit the pause button on the process or recovery. It is not about fixing the past. It is not about explaining why you did what you did. It is not about making excuses and it is not saying, “I’m sorry IF I hurt you.”

It isn’t a mere apology.

It is about owning what you did honestly and bravely. It is about asking for forgiveness. It is about being willing to do what you can to repair the damage you have caused.

To make the list of the people you have harmed, however scary that is, is nothing compared to making those direct amends! Serious discernment and the wise guidance of a good sponsor or a spiritual director can make the process one that can set you free.

Unfortunately, so many well-intentioned people rush out to make amends so that they can feel better. Yearning to be absolved and hoping that things between yourself and the person you have harmed can sabotage a good process, winding up with more hurt between you.

To reflect on what the idea of “making direct amends” means to you and what you want from the process, consider seeing the process of pulling the weeds out of our garden, cleaning out what is dead and what is debris. Consider it a preparation for a new season, at least in your own life.

The problem with being human is that we cannot keep from hurting each other, either out of neglect, innocence or ignorance, our own hurts or because we just don’t care how our behavior affects others.

It is possible — and with terrible results — that human being sometimes harm or destroy others willfully. They know what they are doing and they don’t care.

Most of us don’t hurt each other on purpose. Many of us use our wounds as weapons; we have been hurt and so we hurt others, and while a serious undertaking of this Step will not prevent or stop our hurting each other, it can help us to avoid hurting each other more or as often, going forward.

In thinking about how you can make direct amends to someone you have harmed, it is important that you can truly feel the impact of the pain you have caused another human being and that you can have empathy for that person without justifying your behavior. It is important to feel sorrow for what you have done without going into guilt and self-hatred. This Step is not about blaming anyone or rationalizing why you did what you did. Just own what you have done and admit the impact it has had on someone you love.

The very spirit of this Step is the readiness and willingness to accept the consequences of what you have done.

If you want the grace that comes from making amends, you have to be able to say, “I hurt you. I did that. I am so sorry. I wish I could take it all back and take the hurt away.”

No excuses. No squirming out of the hard stuff. Speaking the truth about what you did. Say it and mean it, but don’t say it if you really don’t mean it.

The challenge comes in realizing that one’s efforts to make amends does not sprinkle star dust over what you have done. It doesn’t obliterate the results of the choices we have made, but making amends has the potential for depotentiating (taking the sting out) the crippling and toxic power of those choices and behaviors, with the mercy and grace of God. While we may live for a lifetime with the results of the choices we have made, making amends can help us live with those choices and their results in a new way.

To make amends, you don’t get to choose how the other person will behave as a result of your gesture. You have to examine your motives, discern what making direct amends mean and decide the most loving way and most appropriate place to approach the other person. You have to pray for discernment to see yourself clearly and to assess your willingness to take the risks of being honest about what you have done and what your intentions are in making direct amends. You have to be cautious about the timing.

Once again, we are called to give up our attachment to results. We only have our hand to play, and we can play only that hand. We have to trust the outcome and the results to God.

Sometimes, a person can go into a conversation with the intention of making amends and asking for forgiveness, but walk away from that encounter feelings disappointed that the other person did not automatically respond in the way he wanted.

Making amends or offering to do what you can to make up to the person for what you have done may not change that person’s opinion toward you. If someone chooses to remain bitter toward you, then that person will have made his choice. If you have done all you can do, and if you have attempted to make complete amends, that is your responsibility, and you have no responsibility over the other person’s choice.

There was a time in my own life when I had done everything I could do to make up to a significant person in my life for what I had done to offend her. With clear and discerning guidance from a wise spiritual director, I was finally able to accept that there was nothing I could do to avoid this person’s constant disapproval of me and nothing I could do to win this person’s approval. I had to face and admit that I had done great damage to myself, trying to please or placate this person, and that my continuing to act as if I had done something wrong was self-injuring.

It was hard for me to believe and accept the fact that continuing to try to win this person’s favor or hear her say, “I forgive you” gave this person a kind of perverse satisfaction and power over me.

I wish it could have been different, but finally my 12 Step sponsor said, “Stop beating yourself for something you didn’t do. Can you respect another’s autonomy enough to allow the other to have his own feelings, which may or may not be solely about you?”

And my spiritual director said, “You are never going to make enough amends to get this person’s forgiveness. There are two keys that unlock the gift of forgiveness. You have only one key. The other person has the other key, and for whatever the reason, doesn’t choose to use it. Go forward, Jeanie, with the grace of knowing you have done everything you could do, and let this go. Give this person the gift of acceptance. Give the gift of agape love — the love that lets be.”

Grace, amazing grace…..in this imperfect, flawed, beautiful world…..

Grace abounds.

Jeanie

Working the Program: Step 8, Part 3

Step 8:   Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. 

The second half of this Step is where the path gets a bit steeper and the risks greater, but it is also the Step that can change your life.  By taking this Step, I’ve learned that the greater the risk, the greater the possibility and potential of reward.

I’ll never forget how my sponsor talked about this Step.  I remember clearly her ton of voice and the expression on her face when she said, “Jeanie, all you have to do right now is become willing to make amends!”

She must have seen the look of panic on my face, but as with every preceding Step, her intention was always for my best welfare and for my serenity and peace.  Always, there was mercy and grace in her work with me.  Never once did I feel censure, condemnation or criticism; always, my identifying my defects, doing my inventory and now, being willing to look at making amends was offered as a way to open my mind and heart to forgiveness and reconciliation.

As in every other conversation with my sponsor, she gave just enough guidance to be helpful, but not so much that I felt overwhelmed to do the work her way.  Looking back, I realize how perfectly she held a safe and firm container while, at the same time, honoring my own process.

“We need to talk about what making amends means,” she said, “and we need to talk about what it doesn’t mean.”

And then she paused.  “Today, we are going to start with “becoming willing” because I don’t want you rushing off and doing this in a way that makes you become a victim.”

* * * * *

Being willing…. 

Honestly, when it comes to making amends, there have been times in my life when being willing to be willing is the best I can do, and my sponsor assured me that my reserve or even hesitancy about making amends could be a warning to proceed with caution.

Over time, I have learned that making amends can bring about a reaction from the other person that makes my guilt worse.

I have learned that some people view both the character defect and the act of making amends as potential soft spots where they can bind you to your past, holding your weakness over your head like a black storm cloud that can rain lightning and thunder on you when you least expect it.

“You may have to explain to the person to whom you want to make amends what it is you are doing,” my sponsor told me.  “Proceed with caution.  Give up your preconceived notions of the outcome.  Do your part and your part only, and then leave the rest to God.”

In the moment, I wasn’t sure what my sponsor meant, but in subsequent years, I realized that she understood how easily codependents can, in the process of making amends, take all the blame for a problem and all the responsibility for solving that problem when, quite possibly, others might have some ownership of the problem, as well.

“You’re only required to make amends for what you have done or said,” she told me, and then she added hard-won wisdom.  “You see, Jeanie, there are people who interpret others’ making amends or even saying they are sorry as a sign of weakness or, worse, a way to gain power over you.”

Always sensitive to my expressions and tone of voice, she must have seen the confusion on my face.

“You see, for some people, others’ admission of guilt or request for forgiveness is a green light for holding your guilt over your head.  Withholding forgiveness can be a power thing for others, and so it is important to know how to make amends.”

“Sometimes people interpret your willingness to make amends as your soft spot, and they might see it as hurt they can exploit.”

Honestly, I knew that what she was saying was true, but that reality was almost enough to scare me back into a hiding place and skipping this Step.

Becoming willing to make amends is simple, but not necessarily all that easy.  Here is what I learned about making amends:

–Becoming willing means that I have gotten a clear idea of the exact nature of my wrong.

–Becoming willing means that I have a clear idea of what it is I need to say or do.

–Becoming willing means that I understand that I cannot control how the other person responds to what I will say or do.

Working the Steps – Step 8, Part 2

My newest book, Practicing Resurrection:  Radical Hope in Difficult Times has just been released by Smyth and Helwys Publishers.

When I began writing this series on the Twelve Steps, I had not yet even outlined the book’s chapters, but now that the book has been written and released, it is time to differentiate between this series and the new book.   I do, however, see that working the Twelve Steps is a powerful way to “practice resurrection.”  I hope you will read both.

Thank you so much for reading this series on the Twelve Steps, formerly named “Practicing Resurrection”. From now on, this series will appear as “Working the Steps”. Step Eight, Part 2 can be found below.

Working the Steps:  Step Eight, Part 2

Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them.

If I have wounded any soul today,

If I have caused one foot to go astray,

If I have walked in my own willful way,

Dear Lord, forgive.

Leaving the birthplace of Elvis Presley in Tupelo, Mississippi, on a late summer road trip across the South, I unwrapped my new CD of Elvis’ gospel music and popped it into the CD player in the car.

It had been years since I had heard this song, but I can remember my mother’s singing this old hymn.  For a few miles and with the power of memory, I was back in my childhood home, feeling nostalgic.

However, with a lot of life between then and now and a longtime practice of working these Steps, the “If I have” beginning to each line of that song caught my attention.

“The question isn’t if I have wounded someone else or gone my own willful way,” I told my husband.  “I have,” I stated firmly, “and it’s my job to know precisely how I have done that!”

No one sings a gospel song quite like Elvis, and I would love to linger awhile in the “If I have’s”, but these many years of working the Steps won’t let me play that coy game with myself.

“If I have” may be a substitute for “help me to see what I’ve done”, but it must be the first step I take toward becoming aware of the ways I have harmed myself and others.  If I stop with “If I have done anything wrong”, I’m playing games with myself, asking for cheap grace.

Before I can get to forgiveness, I have to look at my own actions, motivations, words and habits that have caused pain or suffering to myself or others.

I can tell myself “It wasn’t that bad” or I can hope that the persons I’ve hurt didn’t notice what I had done.

I can justify what I did by saying, “He started it” or “I didn’t know what I was doing.  I can make any number of excuses, but the only way out of the deep hole of denial is to stop digging and begin telling myself the cold, hard, unvarnished truth.

I can minimize what I have done or blow it up to be bigger than it was, which is a strange way of avoiding telling myself the truth.  Being the best of the worst sinners and doing the most horrible of all bad things that anyone could ever possibly do doesn’t really tell the truth about what I’ve done.  Awful-izing and embellishing the story is yet another way to distract myself and lead myself astray into the drama of it all.

Making the tale of my shortcomings and harmful deeds more than they are may be entertaining.  They might even make funny stories, but in the end the old “Tell the truth and nothing but the truth” is the best policy.

Working this Step is hard.  It’s humiliating and painful, but here’s the Good News:  It is also liberating.  It is the way to forgiveness and freedom.  It is the way to activate the amazing grace and mercy that is available, if we have the courage to open our minds and hearts to it.

* * * *  *

When I did this Step the first time, I divided my life into seasons, going back as far as I could remember, and simply asked God to show me what I had done to hurt someone else in each phase of my life.  I wish I could say that it was hard to remember, but it wasn’t, and what I was to realize was that all of those memories I had stuffed were wrapped in regret, embarrassment, shame and guilt.

So it as with a sense of relief and even hopefulness that with my journal in hand, I wrote down all I could think of as each incident came to mind, sifting through my memory.  Carefully, I wrote down the precise nature of my wrong.  I recorded how I hurt the other person, and sometimes I cried.

I had to take breaks, too, so that I wouldn’t overwhelm myself with guilt.  I remembered, as well, the counsel of my sponsor who told me to try to find just the right amount of zeal in uncovering my wrongs.  I didn’t understand at first by what she meant about finding the balance between being too hard on myself and not hard enough, but over time, I came to understand that finding that balance was a gift that came with a willingness to tell myself the hard facts and the unvarnished truth about my actions, attitudes and words.

When I finished with that first list, my sponsor had me go back to my journal and write down everything I had done to hurt myself, which included the times I allowed someone else to injure me.  Again, I wrote about the exact nature of that self-injury and how it felt when it happened.   Later, it occurred to me to write about how I felt about the incident as I was doing this Step, comparing the felt and perceived impact from the past and my experience of the incident in the present.

Over time, I have learned to keep my accounts current, to pay attention to the times when I offend someone, unconsciously or consciously.   I work to know what I’ve done when I have done it, and I work to stay conscious and aware of my motivations that cause me to say that cutting remark, withhold affection or love, criticize, offend or harm another person.

In these years of working this Step, I have also learned how to handle other peoples’ harmful acts toward me in a way that helps me acknowledge the hurt or anger, but not react to it in a way that makes the problem worse.  Ignoring the impact of others’ actions and words doesn’t make the hurt go away, but untreated wounds do fester over time.  I’ve learned that others’ injuries become self-injuries if I don’t deal with them, and I’ve also learned that if I allow resentment and anger to fester, those energies will leak out or explode out in words or actions that will hurt both myself and others.

** * * *

On surely one of the hottest and most humid days in Houston’s history, I stood in a line on the campus of Rice University for what seemed like an entire morning to hear the Dalai Lama speak.  My husband and I were herded with the crowd from building to building for some unknown reason.  Perhaps the crowd was bigger than expected or the security concerns were such that we were moved around so much, but the wait was so long that we were tempted to leave.

Packed into the basketball gym, we waited even longer for the appearance of the man who is an ambassador for kindness and happiness. I don’t remember what his topic was that day, but I do remember that the crowd listened to him in rapt silence.  At the end of his speech, he took some questions, and his answer to the last question is the one take-away of the day for me.

The Dalai Lama’s answer was powerful, but equally impressive was the change in his voice from the relaxed, happy tone to a deep bass and a stern tone.  He got up from his chair and walked to the edge of the low stage, getting as close as he could to the young man who had asked a question I have long forgotten.

“You don’t ever allow another person to abuse you or inflict violence on you by words or actions,” he said, which made perfect sense to me.  It was what he next that brought the entire gym to utter silence.

“By allowing another person to injure you, you are participating in his violence he is inflicting on himself.”

I have never forgotten what he said next.

“When a person abuses another person, he hates that person for letting him do it, and he hates himself for doing it, and the person who is abused hates the abuser and hates himself for letting himself be abused.   And that is how the cycle of violence is perpetuated.”

* * * **

The cycle of abuse begins with hurtful words – insults, put-downs, labeling, name-calling

The parties blame each other or someone else —

The anger escalates into actions that are harmful and destructive —

Left unaddressed, the anger escalates into physical violence –

Once physical violence begins, it can be deadly.

* * * **

What about you?

What do you dread most about writing down the actual names of the people you have harmed, including yourself?

Can you see this list as the way to forgiveness and freedom?

What do you have to lose?

What do you have to gain?

There is grace ahead – all the grace you need.

Believe it.

Jeanie

Working the Steps – Step 8

Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

“If I have done anything to offend you…..”

“Tell me what it is that I did!”

“You know I did that only because you did what you did….”

Stop right here.

Those are not good openings for doing this Step.  In fact, if there were rules for doing this Step, these approaches break all of them, but they are common and frequent ploys for wiggling out of taking responsibility for the harm we have done to others.

The first one puts the burden on the offended party for being offended.

The second one makes the injured party do the work, setting up a line of defense in the offender.

The third approach places the blame on the person who has been harmed.

This is the point in the program when you really do start to grow up.   This is where the point is not about other people have done to make you do the things you have done or may even still be doing.

This is the point in the program when you do what spiritually mature people do and start taking responsibility for how you have hurt other people and yes, even yourself.

* * * * *

Taking Step Eight starts with making a list of all the people you have harmed, and on the front end, it’s only about making the list.  You can’t get ahead of yourself and go even to the second half of this Step just yet or you might get too scared and run back inside yourself and close the door.

On the other hand, you may want to ponder this list for a period of time because it is scary to think about having to own up to some stuff you’d rather forget in front of someone who already knows what you have done and may also be hiding in an inner cave, closed off in fear, disappointment, pain and suffering.

You might want to make a pact with yourself or with your sponsor, however, about timing.   If you linger too long, making that list, you might get stuck.  Moving forward it the underlying goal of this Step.  Moving from guilt and shame and through the paralysis of fear to the freedom of forgiveness, restitution and restoration is a worthy goal and worth the trouble.

* * * * *

When I come to this Step, I have to acknowledge that it is really truly hard and unpleasant and painful and just plain terrifying to have to face the truth about how my words and behavior have injured someone I love or maybe some innocent person who came across my path in a moment when I was out of control, either with my self-will running riot, my self-destroying behavior or an emotion that is out of control.

Face it, I tell myself:  It is so hard to fall from grace in your own eyes.

It is so hard to face the things I have done that injured other people — either emotionally, physically, financially or spiritually.

Just remember:  At this point, all you have to do is make the list.

Take out a piece of paper and a pen or go to your computer and start a list there.  This Step is potentially life-changing for the good, and the sooner you start, the sooner you will be able to experience mercy and grace.  This Step is potentially healing, liberating, transforming and empowering.  That’s not a bad outcome, is it?

Yes, there is a time and a place for dealing with what others have done to us, but at this point, the focus is on taking full responsibility for what you have done to harm others, either by word, action or indifference, neglect, abandonment or the violence of silence.

* * * * *

The first time I took this Step, I really wanted to shift the responsibility for what I had done over to someone else.  I can remember the look in my sponsor’s eyes when I started explaining to her why it was I was the way I was.  I remember how she listened to my justification for a moment, but I will never, ever forget the moment when she said these words of grace:

Yeah — That’s how you got this way.  Now……what are you going to do about it? 

Years later, sitting in my analyst’s sacred room, I knew I had another layer of stuff that I needed to confess.   You would think that I would have learned my lesson with my sponsor, but I guess I thought I might try a similar approach.

“I am not responsible for what I did when I didn’t know any better, am I?   I am not responsible for what I did before I was aware, am I?”

Even now, I cringe with embarrassment, but then I smile to myself, remembering his response, other words of grace.

Children blame.    Adults take responsibility.

That was then.  This is now.

Woe to the person who believes that grace always comes in a flavor you like.  Sometimes, grace begins with a terrifying moment of hearing someone say that whatever you have done, you gotta own it, and you’ll feel ‘way better when you do.

No more excuses.   No more rationalizations.

Don’t explain.  Don’t justify.

Own it.

Make the list. 

* * * * *

It is true that there are some wounds inflicted on us that we will carry for the rest of our lives, but this Step helps us carry them in a different way because there is something infinitely liberating about owning our own stuff.   Ironically, it feels good to admit that the way we have carried what others have done to us has also hurt other people.  The ways we have suffered have also done self-injury.  We all know that hurt people hurt other people, and we all know that our we have used our wounds as weapons.

The Good News  and amazing grace is that our deepest wounds can become healing balm for others.

Somehow, admitting the ways we have harmed other people by or because of  our character defects opens the door of mercy.  Even better, admitting our wrongs with ruthless honesty helps us join the human race.

A memory verse from Isaiah 53:6 reminds us of our common tendencies as humans:

All we like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned our own way.

 Either out of innocence or willful intent, ignorance or stupid carelessness, arrogance, indifference or anger, all of us sheep tend to think we can go down our own selfish path.

 Those words pretty well state a part of the human predicament, and there is more truth from 1 John 1:8.

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.

 I like the way Eugene Peterson renders 1 John 1:8 in The Message: 

If we claim that we’re free of sin, we’re only fooling ourselves.

A claim like that is errant nonsense.

 (As much as I resisted the pressures of memorizing scriptures when I was a preacher’s kid, those memory verses come back to me when I need them.)

Here’s the Good News:   It is in a simple process of making the list of those I have harmed and following a path that has been life-changing for countless thousands that I place myself in a position to experience amazing grace — and here is where 1 John 1:9  affirms this process:

On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean breast of them—

he won’t let us down; he’ll be true to himself.

 He’ll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. 

(To be clear, the “he” in these verses is God, and yes, we all have done things that have separated us from his love.)(And oh my goodness, could we ever have long and lengthy talks about this– Remember that God image discussion, ‘way back in Step 3?)

* * * * *

When I am guiding people through this Step, I see it as part of my job to stand as a witness to God’s loving compassion in this sacred process.   One of the things that means is that I attempt to empower the other person to claim the wrongs he/she has actually done out of his/her character defect.   I find it is vitally important to walk the fine line between being too hard on yourself and letting yourself off the hook too quickly or easily.

This isn’t so much about hitting your brother when you were a small child and it isn’t about saying bad words to annoy or offend your mother, and so some deep reflection and prayer for guidance is appropriate.    What it is about is owning your harmful words and actions when you were acting from your character defect.

When doing this Step, I always ask for God to give me the courage to see what I have hidden from myself, either by convenient forgetting, denial that it really was that hurtful, fear of what the other might do if I make myself vulnerable enough to make amends or by excusing, rationalizing, justifying and explaining my wrongs away.

* * * * *

It is important to keep a firm focus on my behaviors, my deeds, my attitudes, my wrongs and not let other peoples’ stuff bleed over into mine.

Sometimes it is helpful just to let the memories come to you as they will, and sometimes it is helpful to divide your life into seasons and comb through those years sequentially.  You get to choose how, but do it.

You may want to reflect on the time you first began acting out of your primary character defect.  Or, you may want to go to the first offense against another you can remember.  Suit yourself, but come clean, if only with yourself, for now.   Often, telling yourself the truth is the hardest part.

Let yourself feel the regret, the guilt and the shame, but count on your good and wise sponsor not to let you drown in your remorse.  An experienced sponsor has a keen sense of when you are into just beating yourself up, being super-scrupulous and trying to be perfect, which can be part of a character defect, and when you need to be honest to the bone.  Punishing oneself and taking responsibility for oneself are two notably different acts with  radically different outcomes.

* * * * *

So….back to making that list.    Just take the first steps.

Equipped with your computer or pen and paper, begin.

Ask God to help you and then, write.

Take breaks if you need to, but promise yourself you will stick with the process until you are finished.

When you have finished, offer it to God.

Give thanks that you have the moral courage to admit your wrongs, and give thanks to God for bringing them to your attention.

Take a walk.  Mark the moment.   Give yourself credit.

Be willing to understand that in the strangest way, it is God’s grace that allows us to come to our senses, feel the pain and shame and guilt and regret we need to feel, own our stuff and be open to the forgiveness and peace that is ahead.

Remember this:  Only the dead feel no pain, and only those who have a moral center and a healthy conscience  are willing to face the truth and tell the truth about the ways they have done to hurt another person.

* * * * *

When one of my grandsons was only four, he had enough of something one of his cousins was doing, and so he picked up a bucket and banged her over the head with it.  Of course that set up a great wailing in their Montessori classroom where they were both enrolled.

And, of course, the incident was reported to their mothers who are sisters, which set up another one of those conflict of interest things sisters tend to have.  Each of them was torn between wanting her own child to be able to take responsibility for what he had done, and each of them wanted to sort of blame the other cousin.

On the way home, my daughter asked the offender if he had hit his cousin on the head with the metal bucket.

My daughter could  see her child in the rear-view mirror as he sat in his booster seat, sucking his thumb.

He took his thumb out of his mouth and said, “I did,” and put his thumb back in his mouth.

“Why did you do that?” my daughter asked, probably hoping that there was a good reason.

Again, he took his thumb out of his mouth and said, “I just did it.”

Clear and simple, it was.  A confession and a statement of ownership.  No excuses.

Sometimes I have to suck my thumb — symbolically — when I’m up against a wrong I’ve done, but I have to make sure that whatever I do to soothe myself doesn’t encourage me to regress back into my old defects.

What about you?

Is there something you have done that is standing between you and someone else like a brick wall?

Have you tried to make amends before, only to have the other person wind up laying more guilt and bad energy on you?

Has anyone come to you to make amends?  Have you ever rejected another’s attempts at making amends?  How has that worked for you?

Is there something from long ago that keeps on knocking at the door of your consciousness, wanting to be faced and forgiven?   What holds you back from the free flow of grace?

Do you long for peace of mind?

I love the bumper sticker asks the question, “Do you want peace?  Then work for justice.”

Justice is about making things right.  Step Eight is a giant Step toward making things right, with yourself and with other people you have harmed.

Grace comes first, it seems…..and then, peace

I wish it all for you.

Jeanie